The Gospel as presented by discounted socks

A few days ago, I can say that I honestly gained new understanding of the Gospel in a way that I never expected to- through socks on the discount aisle at Target.

Throughout the whole process of deciding whether or not to go to Oxford, despite my high levels of excitement (I may have felt like a kid who almost pukes from excitement at one point or another), I have also struggled with feeling guilty. "This is such an amazing, once-in-a-lifetime opportunity," I would think to myself, "I don't deserve this. I'd be just fine without it, but it would mean the world to other people. Why do I get to go? I'm just being selfish and enjoying something that I feel like I'm taking from someone more deserving."

These destructive thoughts have haunted me for almost a year now as I considered taking the time away from my usual life to study abroad.

I think for my whole life, though, I've heard echoes of these tormenting voices, even in my walk with Christ. "There are other people who need God's attention more than you. You'll be fine. You can make it. You know God's salvation, so go ahead, neglect your own well-being. People in the Bible suffered, so a little miserable moment won't hurt you. Don't be a baby and complain. Other people deserve God's and your attention more than you deserve theirs."

On a separate,and at the time, unrelated, note, I had the wonderful opportunity to go to Colorado to celebrate a good friend's wedding. It was such a refreshing experience! First of all, it is always great to spend time with old friends and new friends that you connect to immediately. Feeling like you've known someone for ages makes the time that you spend with them that much more enjoyable.

I haven't been to very many weddings, but this wedding will remain in my mind as an image of an ideal wedding because of the focus of the bride and groom.

In the church, I've heard many times that Christ is the groom and the church is His bride as a description of the relationship between God and his people, but I've honestly never stopped to think about the implications of this statement. The couple whose wedding I was at worked intentionally to have their wedding be a presentation of Christ's love for his people. As the pastor told the bride to honor her husband, I was reminded of how we are to lovingly submit to the leadership of Christ who directs our lives because he loves us. As the pastor told the groom to love his wife, I was reminded of God's unfailing love for us, even when we do not deserve it.
This would have been a good lesson to learn, but God of course, in His infinite wisdom decided to weave to previously unrelated parts of my life together to teach me a lesson.

Seeing the way my friends intentionally designed their wedding around being a presentation of the Gospel to their friends and family made me think (well, actually, God prompted me to think about this- I couldn't have got there on my own) about how, if Christ is the groom and we are to be his bride, then really, our WHOLE lives are supposed to be lived as a tangible presentation of the Gospel to others. Okay, then how do I do that?

Well, I remember from years of AWANA verse memorization and Sunday school that no one deserves God's gift of salvation, but that he offers it freely. When we accept this gift, we are able to live in the freedom that that brings. I often have trouble accepting God's grace. I am sure that there is a fine print clause in the Bible that excepts Sarah Mae White from God's salvation. But there's not!

A tangible way for me to learn about accepting God's freely given grace has been through Oxford preparation. As a put before, I want all the glory of this trip to be going to God, so why shouldn't I accept this trip with all of the benefits that come with it. Why shouldn't I allow myself to freely enjoy this gift of God?

Back to the socks. Yesterday I needed to buy socks for Oxford and I found four pairs of nice knee-highs on the clearance rack, plus 12 pairs of my favorite socks for $9.

I am wary of using the word "blessing" because I am painfully aware of the constant misuse of the word. "God has blessed us, that's why we can afford to have an indoor swimming pool and a lambourgini in our guest house". I am still learning more and more about the word "blessing" but I do know that God's gift of grace is a blessing. I also know that the opportunities God is giving me is a blessing in my own life. I look forward to the healing and growth I will experience from these 3.5 months abroad.

God's helping me out right now in very small and very large tangible ways as I learn more and more about accepting what he freely gives. The socks, the shoes on sale, people letting me borrow suitcases, people offering to let me visit them and stay at their home, the tours I am finding that for a decent price take me to the places I've always wanted to go, wanting to be placed at an older college and then finding out that the college I am accepted to was built in the 1300's; all of these things and more remind me of God's freely given grace that provides so much more than we could ever hope for.

Every time something else happens I catch myself thinking, "okay God, you've really outdone yourself this time. You can stop; I can handle it." But he whispers to me, "no, I'm not done yet. See what else I have in store for you because I love you and I created you."

"Trust You" by Brandon Heath has been a constant source of comfort, inspiration, and a calling to lay my life down even more for Christ over the past few weeks. Here are part of the lyrics.

It's never easy changing directions
It's so unnatural to loosen up my grip
Are you growing weary of all my good intentions?
Cause I know that you don't work that way

I'm not going to fight you any more (I'm not going to fight you any more)
not going to try to lock the door (I needed life you gave me yours)
cause you took your life and gave me yours
there's no reason why I shouldn't trust you with mine

Blessings on your week

I'm so excited again, I think I may go puke or hop around my house. :)